A Meeting of the Minds

So, I’ve met someone.

Now, before you get all excited about that, it’s not what you think.

I have begun to cultivate a friendship with a man I met on Twitter.  And, before you let your imagination run away with you, I mean friendship.  And, no, friendship is not some euphamism for something else.  

So, now you’re wondering why this piece of information is blog-worthy…..

And, I see your point.  To most people, this would not be anything out of the ordinary.  Yup.  a new friend.  Great.

Except…..

Except that this person is a man.  

And? 

Well, I did not have male friends for many years.  And, while it’s true that I have rekindled past friendships with men, this is my first new male friend.

Previously, my “intent” during the simplest conversation would be misconstrued as flirty or indeed, overtly sexual.  (I can assure you, that there has been nothing in my conversations that could be construed as this, but that would have been the accusation. I can further assure you that I have no designs to make such conversation go in that direction!)

Let me give you an example.

One day, not so long ago, the family was out together, attempting to do some family event.

We stopped at a local farm stand; it was asparagus season.  I was choosing my asparagus, and a man and his wife and daughter entered the building.  The man quipped to his wife, “You’d better get there quick before that woman takes it all.”  

I, being a bit of a jokester, spread my arms wide, covered the asparagus with both hands, practically laid on it, and said “Mine, it’s all mine!”

We all laughed, and he and his wife started gathering their asparagus.

I walked back over towards my family, and my former spouse said “Where do you know him from?”

Just. Like. That.

He was implying that I must have known this man from somewhere else in order to be joking and friendly with him (and there was no mention that I’d also interacted with his wife).  

If we had still been involved, there would have been further questioning, and I would come out the other side as being involved in some kind of torrid relationship with him.  Just because I made a joke over asparagus.

This was an interraction of no more than 90 seconds.  Apparently, I am a quick study, if I can be involved in a torrid relationship after 90 seconds.  And, even though this seems like it must be fairly farfetched, it was the reality that I was living.

So, you can imagine how much more intense the accusation would be if I was engaged in conversations with a man.

One of the results of my relationship is this: I choose my words very carefully when chatting with anyone.  I am protective of my words, because I do not want them to be misconstrued as flirty or anything other than friendly.  Sometimes I feel as though I may be over compensating, and that could be misconstrued as trying too hard.

So, in this friendship with this man we have chatted about my family, his family, religion, social justice, the fall-out from my marriage, and generally, life, the universe and everything.  I am feeling really good about this connection; I like smart people.  I like to have inspiring conversations, I like to be challenged to new ways of thinking.  

But, what I am not feeling is this:  I am not feeling guilty.  I am not out to seduce anyone; I am not out to have an affair.  The chances are that I may never meet this man in person, and that’s ok.  I don’t feel guilty because I’m not doing anything wrong.  I am cultivating a friendship.

As humans we need contact with other humans.  We need to have friends, we need to be inspired.  I am excited that I am free to make new friends, to have those meetings of the minds.  I am excited that I get to choose those who are interested in my point of view.  I get to  choose those who inspire me, and I get to choose  who challenge me.  I also get to choose not to be with those who wish to control me or my opinions or my connections.